This year has been one of my most challenging years as an educator. I still can't quite put my finger on it. My students are great. My administration is great. My colleagues are great. But something just isn't quite sitting right with me. Most days I leave school with a tension headache and knots in my neck and shoulders. I feel like the weight of the world is literally weighing me down. I have a hard time getting things accomplished, and my to-do list seems to be never-ending. I'm warring within myself because I know I'm doing my best, yet I still feel inadequate. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean treading water with an all-to-distant shoreline taunting me, just out of reach.
I have been doing all I know to do to try to center myself. I pray constantly. I literally invite Jesus into my classroom every day. I blast my "Jesus music" during my planning period in an attempt to keep my heart pointed to the cross. But some days, I still feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I've started feeling hopeless, and with that hopelessness comes frustration. Where's my help? Is this going to get better? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?